Jokes
(Clean and Funny)
Riddles from Sister Angie
How do you catch a unique rabbit?........Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?........Tame way, unique up on it.
How do crazy people go through the forest?........They take the psycho path.
What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?........Dam!
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?........Polaroids
What do you call a Boomerang that doesn't work?........A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?........Nacho Cheese.
What do you call Santa's Helpers?........Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?........Quatro Sinko
What do you get from a pampered cow?........Spoiled Milk.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?.......Frostbite.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?........A nervous wreck.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?........Right where you left him.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?.......Because they have big fingers.
Why don't blind people like to skydive?........Because it scares the dog.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?........Sanka.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?........The location of the dirtbag.
Why did Pilgrims pants always fall down?........Because they wore thier belt buckles on thier hats.
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?........ A bad golfer goes, Whack, Dang! A bad skydiver goes, Dang, whack!
How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?........ Somebody's gonna lose a trailer....
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his friends had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. And unto the sonnn.......and into the hole he gooooes." (Okay, all you Mormons...priests in other churches often say "Glory by unto the Father and the son and unto the Holy Ghost." Get it?TeeHee!)
A few puns for Wednesday
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Received from Alex Churchill (GCFL Member).
